


Insomniatic

by humanities_angstiest



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Gen, I Don't Even Know, Insomnia, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, No Dialogue, No Plot/Plotless, POV Keith (Voltron), Social Anxiety, i just found this in my angst folder a paragraph away from finished so i figured why not, i promise i’m working on happier stories, if so i’m sorry, just tossing some of my problems on my emo son, maybe someone out there can relate to this, ooc to the nth degree, writing about a mood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-16 14:59:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11255325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/humanities_angstiest/pseuds/humanities_angstiest
Summary: Keith should have settled into a normal sleep schedule by now; the semester ended weeks ago. Yet he was still stuck in his unhealthy routine of staying up till the next morning then sleeping into the afternoon.





	Insomniatic

Keith should have settled into a normal sleep schedule by now; the semester ended weeks ago. Yet he was still stuck in his unhealthy routine of staying up till the next morning then sleeping into the afternoon.

“You just need to make yourself go to bed early,” Shiro recommended, as if it were that easy. For a day he was successful, if you consider the opposite extreme of waking up too early a success. For one day, Keith managed to go to bed before midnight and woke up at 5am. Then he was back to staying up until 1:30am, 2am, pushing into 3am territory and still going.

Keith pondered whether he had a fear of sleeping. He kept reading, kept watching tv, kept scrolling mindlessly through the internet — anything to avoid sleep. Sleep wasn’t restful. He woke up in the middle of the day feeling lethargic, unable to do anything productive. He should be looking for a summer job or updating his resume while his newly acquired skills were fresh in his mind. If he had the energy, he could go on a run in the morning, or do a measly ten push-ups to start his day on the right note.

But he didn’t.

Maybe it was the fear of failure or judgement that kept Keith up as late as he dared. If he stayed up until 3am, then he obviously wouldn’t wake up in time for an early morning run before the rest of the world woke and drove past him on their way to work, glancing out their window and judging his out-of-shape body.

If he stayed up until 3am, then he could justify the loss of productive time he should spend practicing his Japanese with Shiro. One in the afternoon was too late to start studying so he might as well not, right? And if he didn’t study, then he couldn’t tell how little he knew or remember how far from mastery he was.

It was also a game in some ways. Mind you, these reasonings were all conjecture on Keith’s part. He’s not a therapist and he can’t pick apart his own mind. But sometimes it felt like a game, seeing how far he could push himself before exhaustion won or his laptop battery died and he was too lazy to grab the charger. What record would he make it to today?

4am?

5am?

No sleep at all?

That idea was tempting. It was summer, there was nothing to stop him from testing his limits. Nothing important the next day he needed to be well-rested for. Keith could push himself to see how long he lasted without sleep before his mind broke and all sanity flooded out of him.

Keith felt like he was losing time, like maybe if he stayed up all night, he could do everything he wanted/needed to. Finish that book Hunk lent him. Study Japanese with Shiro before they visit their relatives in August. Learn a new song on guitar. Join a kickboxing class. Spend time with friends. Spend time alone.

There wasn’t enough time in the world to live contently, because even as Keith sat in the same spot all day clicking around the internet, he was aware of the countless more important things he should be doing, and that awareness zapped away his peace. Of course, to get his peace back he stayed on the internet, struggling to get his mind off the looming stress stacking above him.

Keith didn’t want Shiro to notice his sleep habits because then his brother would worry, and Keith hated being fussed over. But whatever was wrong with him would soon come to light. Shiro didn’t understand how asking him to clean the dishes or fold his laundry or call the dentist and make an appointment fell heavily upon his shoulders and crushed him under illogical stress. Simple tasks truly, yet they stressed him out. Was it because they ate up valuable time? Again, Keith was just guessing. Whatever the reason, eventually Shiro would ask why he never made an appointment or did this or that task he was asked to. Keith became stressed thinking of Shiro being upset with him.

It was now 3am. Not Keith’s best record. So far this summer, his best record was a little after 4am. His all time best record was 7:30am, so caught up in a book he didn’t go to bed until he finished it. This time he wasn’t staying up late because of a good book, he was staying up late because he didn’t like the alternative.

Keith’s bed squeaked when he moved. The middle of the bed was the squeakiest. The noise sliced through the silence and though Keith knew it shouldn’t be enough to wake Shiro in the next room, it could. He should stay still, sitting in the corner of his bed and not moving until Shiro was awake and getting ready for work. Then it would be safe to move and disturb the quiet.

Not only did his bed squeak, but there was no point to sleep, as Keith already surmised. He didn’t wake up refreshed. He woke with a list of things he’d been putting off looming over his head, like a storm cloud that filled with more water every day until one day it would be too heavy and drench him. Why waste precious hours on sleep when it did nothing for him?

But exhaustion was worse. He hated waking up in the afternoon and missing breakfast, though often he had breakfast for lunch. The more he stretched the night, the longer he slept to catch up. Keith used to sleep a reliable 8-9 hours a day. Now it was around 11 hours. Even in his teenage years he was an early riser. Sleeping almost half the hours of a day was unnatural for him.

He wanted this to pass. He wanted to sleep eight hours, wake up with the energy to do anything, and then do it.

Keith slowly rolled over to minimize the squeaking of his mattress and set his laptop on the ground. He considered the book on his nightstand, decided he needed to make a change, and turned off his lamp. It took him two hours to fall asleep but he hoped with more practice it would become easier.

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts?


End file.
